Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

By then there had been other men. She'd flung herself at other closed windows. The windows never broke, but her heart, at the end, was in splinters.

Deliberation is the work of many men. Action of one alone.

We stand for free speech. This means we are not going to ban distasteful subreddits. We will not ban legal content even if we find it odious or if we personally condemn it.

My first reading of Tolstoy affected me as a revelation from heaven, as the trumpet of the judgment. What he made me feel was notthe desire to imitate, but the conviction that imitation was futile.

One goes to Nature only for hints and half-truths. Her facts are crude until you have absorbed them or translated them ... It is not so much what we see as what the thing seen suggests.

I think faith is the one common denominator between everything that goes on at the race track - a faith in Christ.

If the white man ain't the devil, he's been aiming at the history of the Americans.

I put things on shuffle a lot, which is probably why I don't have a very good idea of genre.

Why is it when we have 10 million people in this country who say 'No', we still have a president who says 'Yes.' In a democracy, something's wrong here.

public opinion, the sum of private opinions, does matter, can matter often for good.