Sign at a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

She felt that her speech was voicing the incoherency her thoughts, and stopped abruptly.

We must remind Americans that the promise of opportunity remains unbroken - that every person in this great nation can succeed through hard work, courage and personal responsibility.

In business we cut each others' throats, but now and then we sit around the same table and behave-for the sake of the ladies.

Fate! There is no fate. Between the thought and the success God is the only agent. Fate is not the ruler, but the servant of Providence.

Men have to descend from their pedestal and learn how to be more broadminded and spiritual.

You'd have civil war. You'd have a race war in this country.

Anyone can be an entrepreneur. All it takes is a little drive and ambition.

One must verify or expel his doubts, and convert them into the certainty of Yes or NO.

The end of knowledge is power ... the scope of all speculation is the performing of some action or thing to be done.

You know, I feel sorry for the young artists.