Since when did I become the spokesperson for nappy-headed hos?

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

Karma and manifestation work 24/7 to balance the scales. Do justice, in due time.

Earth stuff, Mars boy.

Well, folks. That's the greatest open in the history of television -- bar none!

Literature, at least good literature, is science tempered with the blood of art. Like architecture or music.

The world is made up for the most part of morons and natural tyrants, sure of themselves, strong in their own opinions, never doubting anything.

The conventional wisdom of fandom is that you must give your fans anything they want. But I've never felt that that's a healthy attitude - and that comes from being a Star Wars fan.

Because I was never a 'where do you see yourself in five years' person. I had no idea, and I didn't have a checklist, which really creates a lot less stress in your life.

The great appeal of the doctrine that the mind is a blank slate is the simple mathematical fact that zero equals zero.

I'm never satisfied, man. I'm Virgo. We overanalyze and we're never satisfied. So I'm gonna keep going 'til the wheels fall off.

Ambition has one heel nailed in well, though she stretch her fingers to touch the heavens.