Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

Because I started investing in wiserrelationships, I am now an absurdly wealthy woman—if blessings, fulfillment & joy are measured as wealth.

Regard those who respect you.Esteem those who honor you.Cherish those who love you.Reward those who adore you.

Only because Jesus is God and we have confessed Him as Savior and Lord, can He bestow and we receive these benefits, this blessed assurance and hope (see Romans 10:9).

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body.

I love the water more than anything. I'm not very good at sunbathing - I get really bored. I love swimming and I love being like a fish and getting in the sea and just - I don't know, it feels right.

You learn the most from life's hardest knocks.

Most people spend their lives on their endeavors, and I get the privilege to have been doing this since I was five. I get to go play and have fun and entertain people.

There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you.

It's strange that men should take up crime when there are so many legal ways to be dishonest.

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly], and says, "Here, you can go"