Sloth is the fastest-growing lifestyle movement in the world, and that's because it is completely doable. If you embrace sloth, it's the last thing you'll ever have to do again.

The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.

Don't live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable.

No matter how successful I become as a playwright, my mother would be thrilled to hear me tell her that I'd just lost twenty pounds, gotten married and become a lawyer.

The signature of a truly enviable woman is the tenacity and continuity of her women friends.

I'm not going to throw my imagination away. I refuse to lie down to expectation. If I can just hold out till I'm thirty, I'll be incredible.

I really worked at becoming more assertive, and now none of my friends talk to me.

As I ramble through life, whatever be my goal, I will unfortunately always keep my eye upon the doughnut and not upon the whole.

No matter how lonely you get or how many birth announcements you receive, the trick is not to get frightened. There's nothing wrong with being alone.

anyone who writes plays is unbelievably persistent, because there isn't a need in the world for plays. Somehow you internally have to feel a need to write a play.

The struggle to be considered a grown-up begins, I believe, shortly after birth.

Total failure isn't something I want to spend a lot of time envisioning. I'm pretty sure I'll recognize it if it comes.

A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!

The inexpressible is the only thing that is worthwhile.

In many ways Roy Keane is bigger than One Direction.

One of the chief features of incompetence was an inability to see it in oneself.

Math is the language of the universe. So the more equations you know, the more you can converse with the cosmos.

I think I started toddler gymnastics when I was around 3 or 4, and I began taking it seriously when I was 6.

I got in trouble with the stern-faced Russians who didn't want me to create a guy who is mortal.

Some people have an inner child that speaks to them. I have an inner old man who just yells random [stuff] at me all day.

One of the treasures of nature is beauty; this, too, should be preserved.