Smack your child every day. If you don't know why - he does.

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late - and strike oil.'

The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.

Bankruptcy is a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to your creditors.

I want to die like my grandfather died . . . peacefully in his sleep. Not like the other three people screaming in the car.

If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.

You have to actively listen to your clients and provide the service they’re looking for!

The scale, properly speaking, does not permit the measure of the intelligence, because intellectual qualities are not superposable, and therefore cannot be measured as linear surfaces are measured.

If YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT ANYONE..COME SIT BY ME.

Don't run too fast through life. You only have one.

This sausage roll only contains 2% of your daily intake of calories... if you lick it.

People who can’t see without glasses should wear them.

I was dreaming ... about my grandfather. A very old man, at least as old as I am now, 91. I thought, when I was a boy, that he had been 91 all his life. Now I feel as if I have been 91 all my life.

The orchestra whirls me wider than Uranus flies, It wrenches such ardors from me I did not know I possess'd them

The way was long, the wind was cold, The Minstrel was infirm and old; His withered cheek, and tresses gray, Seemed to have know a better day.

Earth helped him with the cry of blood.