Smoking crack is a way for people who couldn't afford college to study the works of Charles Darwin.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

In too many instances we have settled for a world of our own shaping that is shaping up to be in terrible shape.

Love never fails but people fails in how to love-Jesus never fails

We are time's subjects, and time bids be gone.

Every day I play golf, that's my goal. To break 70 the other way. To shoot 70 or better.

Imam Hussain's sacrifice is for all groups and communities, an example of the path of rightousness.

If you're going to make a law, make a law that actually works. It's extraordinarily difficult.

The gift of my childhood was laughter, being able to find the humor.

The little details really connect for people in ways I never realized before.I think that's why some of the movies have done well, because people are relating to things that I'm willing to expose.

Yes, I have known Roger Clemens for a long time.

I might, by chance, write something just as shoddy; But then I wouldn't show it to everybody.