Smoking is very bad for you and should only be done because it looks so good. People who don't smoke have a terrible time finding something polite to do with their lips.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

You can only push me so far little slakax, and then I will do what has to be done, with or without your permission.

Someday you won't ever be seen again, but until then, make everyday an adventure.

Being anti-war in Hollywood was an act of bravery on the order of the keynote speaker at a PLO dinner making jokes about Ariel Sharon.

I look back one more time. It's like a crater, a hole where something happened.

But what is worse, smelling the roast and not feasting, or not smelling the roast at all?

Anything you're interested in the world whether it be Charlie rose or JetBlue or a public figure or your local coffee shop, they're on Twitter and broadcasting what is interesting to them.

People say friends don't destroy one another. What do they know about friends?

My respectful study of other religions has not abated my reverence for or my faith in the Hindu scriptures.

My driving career is low, but musically, it's all pretty high. It's a test of patience, takes forever, but I guess that's the nature of the thing of life. I'm glad to be living the musical life.

I learn a great deal by merely observing you, and letting you talk as long as you please, and taking note of what you do not say.