Smoking pot makes people talk for long periods of time, for instance, so people who advocate pot won't shut the hell up about it.

LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies.

Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.

You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.

Big deal... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs.

A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway.

The genius' behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we'll probably forget that it's number six. Or Rocky Balboa can't count past five.

In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'

I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man.

Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you.

The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.

If are alone then only you are alone !

We are obliged to love one another. We are not strictly bound to "like" one another.

And I see that not touching for so long was a drive to the beach with the windows rolled up so the waves feel that much colder.

I think if you write music for soundtracks then sometimes you do something that you could never do if the film did not exist.

Perfection is not a destination; it's a never-ending process...Enjoy!

A kind of golden hour one remembers for a life time... Everything was touched with magic.

If you're in control, you're not going fast enough.

The hallmark of the minor artist is to be obsessed with style as an end in itself.

Your play account is also designed to strengthen your "receiving" muscle.

The longer I live the more I think of the quality of fortitude... men who fall, pick themselves up and stumble on, fall again, and are trying to get back up when they die.