So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

Everything that matters hurts, until it doesn't matter anymore.

Hell is the incapacity to be other than the creature one finds oneself ordinarily behaving as.

One can be ugly in looks, but lovely in disposition.

I haven't met a woman without insecurities.

I can't give any absolute definition of what love is, or even whether it ought to exist.

I tend to fly a bit under the radar.

Non-physicality may soon come to dominate our reality. Thanx Quatum Mechanics!

Writing is the same as music. It’s in how you phrase it, how you hold back the note, bend it, shape it, then release it. And what you don’t play is as important as what you do say.

I believe that the subconscious always knows what is best. It is our conditional, vastly overrated rational mind which screws everything up.

Hillary Clinton represented "America is over" to the people that voted, and they're never gonna understand this, the people in the media in Washington, in the establishment.