So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

No days, perhaps, of all our childhood are ever so fully lived are those that we had regarded as not being lived at all: days spent wholly with a favourite book.

A writer will divine a metaphor from a pattern on a dress, or a gesture, because sunsets have been done before.

I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid they told me I was being funny.

Philosophical argument has sometimes shaken my reason for the faith that was in me but my heart has always assured me that the Gospel of Jesus Christ must be reality.

All true friendliness begins with fire and food and drink and the recognition of rain or frost.

Strategy is a pattern in a stream of decisions

Craigslist is about authenticity. Craig has paid his dues, and people respect him.

I remind myself that the universe is 15 billion years old, and I'm only 46 years old, so my perspective is sort of limited and fear-based and skewed.

I play a lot of computer games. I love computer graphics. I've had Pixar in me for a long time.

I belong nowhere and to no one.