So I phoned up the spiritual leader of tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial a lama.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

Imagination is a quality that was given to man compensate him from whats not. The sense of humor was given to console him from what is.

I get up in the morning, have a job to do, go there, come home, be with the family, that's it.

Knowledge, learning, is an eternal thing.

That's one of the privileges of old age - you can give plenty of advice 'cause most folks think that's all you got left anyway.

Everybody understood that if the proof is correct then no other recognition is needed.

The reality is that most of the time, the more bizarre the trend, the more bogus the results.

The sound that I play is delayed, it's modified, and it's modulated. It's an intelligent system; it's happening now.

I think my work shows that I love women. I understand where these types of criticisms are coming from because black people have been so dogged out in the media, they're just extra sensitive.

The world that our children will inherit is going to look substantially different, very quickly, than the world we have today. It's alarming.

I told you I didn't want to fight with Charlie." "Nobody said that you had to." I glowered at him. "I can't help myself when he gets all bossy like that―my natural teenage instincts overpower me.