So I was getting into my car and this bloke says to me, 'Can you give me a lift?' I said, 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it!'

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

When your dream comes true, have another one! Your dream-box must never remain empty!

Every mystery ever solved had been a puzzle from the dawn of the human species right up until someone solved it.

This could be our greatest nightmare. But maybe, intead this would be our only hope of salvation.

In cross-examination as in fishing nothing is more ungainly than a fisherman pulled into the water by his catch.

Youth is really in your attitude, not in what you look like.

Because of the high altitude, you get drunk really fast. So everyone's drunk all the time.

Mercy stood in the cloud, with eye that wept Essential love.

Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

The Democrats have to be stopped and that's going to be what ultimately brings us everybody back to sobriety here.

The books we enjoy as children stay with us forever -- they have a special impact. Paragraph after paragraph and page after page, the author must deliver his or her best work.