So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red.

Velcro: what a rip-off.

Black beauty - he's a dark horse.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'

I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics – I just got bronze.

You'll find you spend half your second year shaking off the undesirable friends you made in your first...

Keep the body's energy frequencies high by always thinking positively.

Readily people do not accept any ordinary to behave like an extraordinary unless and until some extraordinary but preferably wealthy approves him to be not ordinary.

I can barely walk, but it's a privilege to be able to move at all.

I love Tinkle, it's really the most fun I've had in years.

But he hated to be sober. It made him conscious of the people around him, of that air of struggle, of greedy ambition, of hope more sordid than despair, of incessant passage up or down.

At the entrance to the original tower, there is a stone into which Jung carved some words with his own hand: 'Cold or not, God is present.

Violence often brings about momentary results.

An honest heart being the first blessing, a knowing head is the second.

The people who have sacrificed their view in order to get to the top have very often left no footprints in the sands of time.