So far China has won the most gold medals, ladies and gentlemen. The Chinese athletes can't wait to get home and show the medals off to the kids who made them.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

As the expert in knowing yourself, you get to decide what you want to explore in your internal landscape.

I believe very strongly that when it comes to desire, when it comes to attraction, that things are never black and white, things are very much shades of grey.

It is one of the noblest duties of a university to advance knowledge, and to diffuse it not merely among those who can attend the daily lectures—but far and wide.

Inaction counted as a choice.

Every penny I've ever saved has been spent on airline tickets to different corners of the world.

We don't believe a liar even when he tells the truth.

My mom always complains about my lack of a boyfriend. Well, next time she asks, I'm going to tell her I'm dating two different guys-Mr Duracell and Mr Energizer.

And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

Kellyanne's [Conway] pointing out, you people say we don't have a mandate? You don't have a [Democratic] party. You've lost a thousand legislative seats. You only have five states.

I have no problem with people's religious beliefs. I just don't happen to have any.