So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.

The marks we leave are too often scars.

being different can work for the individual who are comfortable with themselves, and most importantly work hard to achieve greatness.

Artists must remain in a state of awe to remain artists.

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

That night the wind was howling almost like a wolf and there were some real wolves off to the west giving it lessons.

If I had to choose between the band or the friendships, I'd choose the friendships at this point.

I want a campfire box.

I will rememeber you. Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by and don't forget all your memories.

Assassins did have a certain code, after all. It was dishonorable to kill someone if you weren't being paid.

Evil comes to us men of imagination wearing as its mask all the virtues.