So the guy who shot Gadhafi was wearing a Yankees cap. Did you see that? If he'd had a Boston Red Sox hat on he probably would have missed.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

...after rare beef and wine, when the lobes turn red, was the time to ask favours or tell bad news.

A home-made friend wears longer than one you buy in the market.

If we choose to be no more than clods of clay then we shall be used as clods of clay for braver feet to tread on.

I find very often people like to confront rumors. It depends on how much they trust you. And you have to have a line between what is tasteful and what isn't.

Their peace and their war Are like wind and storm. War grows from their peace.

Kangoroos can't hop backwards.

We should welcome applause whenever it comes.

It happens to many teenagers-that moment when you feel full of resentment or distrust for those adults you once loved unquestioningly.

The future just isn't what it used to be

The Lord always shows you all the difficulties when He is going to do anything through you.