So what if your custom car shop tanks and you've gotta take a crappy job at an auto parts store, dealing with ignorant, pushy people. I'm okay with that, 'cause I'm an ignorant, pushy people person.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

In every dream journey, there comes a moment when you have to quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death.

Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart.

I'm never sure who I'm writing for, or who's reading me, but I definitely see myself in conspiracy with my readers.

The road ahead is not easy. Iraq is currently the center of the war on terror.

When your own romantic life is falling apart, everyone else's looks fabulous.

If we practice stepping into the unknown, moment by moment, hour by hour, millions of times, then death is just the next step into the unknown. It loses its terror.

I'm a private person; I stick to my neighbourhood and eat in my little restaurants.

Jesus Christ founded His Kingdom on the weakest link of all-a Baby.

I know Donald Trump; he's a winner; he's committed; and he has intended all along to do what he thinks is necessary to save America.

I directed a movie and now, I'm going to do the editing.