So you [Nicholas Kristof] have got this new column out, 12 steps for people who say are traumatized by the [ Donald Trump] election.

I have no way of knowing how people really feel, but the vast majority of those I meet couldn't be nicer. Every once in a while someone barks at me. My New Year's resolution is not to bark back.

I was up late last night yapping about the elections on CNN and up early this morning doing the same thing in my daughter's kindergarten class.

The modern tribalism of the left demands that each person choose a group and then agree with everything that group agrees with. And anybody who leaves that group is stoned to death.

Canada is a sweet country. It is like your retarded cousin you see at Thanksgiving and sort of pat him on the head. You know, he's nice, but you don't take him seriously. That is Canada.

Feminism's latest victory: the right to get your limbs blown off in war. Congratulations.

Anybody who sides with Canada internationally in a debate between the U.S. and Canada, say, Belgium, is somebody whose opinion we shouldn't care about in the first place.

Unless you know a lot more about something than I do, I am not really that interested. I have too much information already.

It is nice to be around people who think differently than you. They challenge your ideas and keep you from being complacent.

It is increasingly important to be open-minded.

I will say, the one thing Mexico does well is punish prisoners. They do. They're good at that.

MOST DAYS MY LIFE CAN BE SUMMED UP IN MOVIE QUOTESANDHIP HOP AND R&B LYRICS

God does not seek the opinions of others about your life.

I think a major element of jetlag is psychological. Nobody ever tells me what time it is at home.

Thou shall know by experience how salt the savor is of others' bread, and how sad a path it is to climb and descend another's stairs.

Time-honoured insights are often trivialised as cliches.

The most scarce resource we have these days is the idea.

At long last love has arrived, and I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off of you.

First, modify the patient's diet and lifestyle and only then, if these do not effect a cure, treat with medicinals and acupuncture.

Bow, bow, ye lower middle classes! Bow, bow, ye tradesmen, bow, ye masses!

I mean, it's weird because people lately have been coming up to me and going, 'Oh, my God. '300' is huge.' I'm like, 'Really? It's not done yet!