Soft, sweet things with a lot of fancy dressing - that's what a little boy loves to eat and a grown man prefers to marry.

A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.

A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.

Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

Just handle the books gently and you’ll get along fine.

I never forgive but I always forget.

Even the most racist person make a very painful racial comment, give him a smile. It's better than you take a weapon on him because he's just gonna go like, "Oh." He's just being stupid.

Common sense, alas in spite of our educational institutions, is a rare commodity.

You don't get a rebate at the end of your life for living with an idiot.

Theyre not group animals, theyre completely solitary, so if the babys mother is taken away, theres no system of aunts ... their whole system is destroyed.

I just grate on my own nerves. I don't like to watch me.

Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live.

Readiness to answer all questions is the infallible sign of stupidity.

If you do not find peace inside your own heart, then you will not find it anywhere else on earth.