Some days I'm lucky to squeeze out a page of copy that pleases me, but I get as many as six or seven pages on a very good day; the average is probably three pages.

The functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion and empathy.

The whisper of the dusk is night shedding its husk.

Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.

Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.

Nothing is worse than being alone on the evening of the day when one's cow has exploded.

Only once in a generation does anything as fresh as a vomiting detective come along.

The hands of every clock are shears, trimming us away scrap by scrap, and every time piece with a digital readout blinks us towards implosion.

Most people tend to think the best of those who are blessed with beauty; we have difficulty imagining that physical perfection can conceal twisted emotions or a damaged mind.

Any drunk who has tried to put his car where a lamppost stands is a self-educated physicist.

Given my heritage and the ordeal of my childhood, I sometimes wonder why I myself am not insane. Maybe I am.

Many people are hurt in Life. But the problem is not the hurt. They Curse, Nurse, and Rehearse their hurt instead of Reversing it, and Live miserably.

In a life that does not last forever create something that will last forever.

The Axiom of Choice is necessary to select a set from an infinite number of socks, but not an infinite number of shoes.

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.

I have found out one thing and that is, if you have an idea, and it is a good idea, if you only stick to it you will come out all right.

Verily, the best of husbands hath many raw edges, and many unnecessary pleats in his temper, and many wrinkles in his disposition, which must be removed.

No monkey ever reheated a frozen burrito.

Tournament chess is not relaxing. It's stressful, even if you win.

What makes bad writers so annoying is their good passages.

Festival of the impassioned efforts and manifold ambitions of all forms of youthful activity of every generation springing from the threshold of life.