Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

The mind does strange things when confronted with sights it doesn’t want to process, sometimes leading to actions that would be deemed inappropriate at any other time

A blessed hope, a blessed life.

Loving a man shouldn't have to be this rough

Psychopaths... people who know the differences between right and wrong, but don't give a shit. That's what most of my characters are like.

I'm a bluesman moving through a blues-soaked America, a blues-soaked world, a planet where catastrophe and celebration - joy and pain - sit side by side.

These are terrible people in ISIS, not masterminds.

I actually pointed my wand and it blew up! The power! The power was just like Angry Birds, but big [as] life.

The row of dolls watched her impassively from the bookshelf, their tea party propriety almost certainly offended.

I'm not a materialistic person.

Interactivity and a better experience aren't always the same thing.