Some drink to forget, some drink to remember-me, I drink to get bagged.

One of these days... One of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser!

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

If you have it and you know you have it, then you have it. If you have it and don't know you have it, you don't have it. If you don't have it but you think you have it, then you have it.

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.

Sometimes the feeling that life is great just swells up inside you and fills you with joy.

Drinking removes warts and pimples. Not from me. But from those I look at.

A lot of people say, 'Well, I like a challenge. 'I don't like challenges. Life is tough enough without any challenges.

Does God have a sense of humor? He must have if He created us.

Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the impulse.

I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't like to go to meetings.

So many people live with anger and unforgiveness, and many of them are Christians.

Just because people don't meet you doesn't mean they're not out there breaking their asses trying to get around.

I think I have a reputation for being really serious. In interviews I use big words, but I'm just an emotional goofball. I play practical jokes all the time.

You can attract only that which you mentally become and feel yourself to be in reality.

No insignificant person was ever born.

When I fall in love, I don't know why I fall in love, I just know that I am in love.

A ton of athletes, even if they know your name, pretend they don't.

Literary theory has become a parody of science, generating its own arcane jargon. In the process, tragically, it discourages love of literature for its own sake.

'Doctor Who' was my first telly job, and before that I did a lot of theatre in education, children's theatre.

I'm hooked on Polanski's films, his psychological thrillers. I love 'Rosemary's Baby,' I love 'Repulsion.'