Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.

I was always the last woman on the last down elevator as the store was closing.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales,' they don't necessarily think of chairs.

Please be a traveler, not a tourist. Try new things, meet new people, and look beyond what’s right in front of you. Those are the keys to understanding this amazing world we live in.

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.

Every President reconstructs the Presidency to meet his own psychological needs.

The truest state of humanity is that you're living for other people.

I am still in the land of the dying; I shall be in the land of the living soon. (his last words)

We need physical exercise to prepare our brain for long periods of concentration

Going on Letterman is like going off the high dive. It's exhilarating, but after a while it wasn't the kind of thrill I enjoyed.

American democracy is supposed to be the paradigm for the rest of the world.

Whatever happens, I'll handle it.

As ye of clay were cast by kind, So shall ye waste to dust.