Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

It would be wise to define ‘living’ as walking in the fullest expression of who I am, verses wallowing in the confines of who I’m not.

Not now.It's too late.It was always too late.

There are various ways of mending a broken heart, but perhaps going to a learned conference is one of the more unusual.

Hope of gain lessens pain.

Our best comes out when we have honest discussions.

If you can leave two black stripes from the exit of one corner to the braking zone of the next, you have enough horsepower.

I was beaten up wherever I went, and people shouted at me and cursed me and threw things at me.

Mother believed in enjoying herself. Aunt Mimi believed in enjoying herself, then feeling guilty about it.

Why comes temptation but for man to meet And master and make crouch beneath his foot, And so be pedestaled in triumph?

Much reading is an oppression of the mind, and extinguishes the natural candle, which is the reason of so many senseless scholars in the world.