Some golfers fantasize about playing in a foursome with Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, and Sam Snead. The way I hit I'd rather play in a foursome with Helen Keller, Ray Charles, and Stevie Wonder.

We learn so many things from golf: how to suffer, for instance.

On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.

I'll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife.

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing. Now I go to practice slicing without swearing.

In Minnesota it's so cold some nights you have to wear two condoms.

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.

My psychiatrist prescribed a game of golf as an antidote to the feelings of euphoria I experience from time to time.

What's the point of washing off your ball when teeing off on a water hole?

When your first baby drops her pacifier, you sterilize it. When your second baby drops her pacifier, you tell the dog: 'Fetch!'

Son, the greatest trick the Devil pulled was convincing the world there was only one of him.

If at the end of the day the people of our city escape, it will be good.But if somehow our democracy remains standing - it will be even better.

Sports figures are to the '70s what movie stars were to the '60s.

Man can not live by bread alone ... he must have peanut butter.

A true Christian, living an obedient life, is a constant rebuke to those who accept the moral standards of this world.

It's like night and day... to do business, in Europe, there is no bull, they are pretty straightforward.

Artificial Intelligence is creating a mind, hopefully as pure a mind as possible, for a computer.

There are people who know Hillary Clinton who tell wonderful stories about her, how likable she is, how funny she is; 99 percent of American people don't - have never seen that side of her.

The Internet is a strange, strange place that is full of lies. I would say mostly lies.

Benjamin Graham wrote, "Those with enterprise haven't the money, and those with money haven't the enterprise, to buy stocks when they are cheap."