Some men are tempted to violate secrecy from the uneasiness secrecy gives them, and others, merely to impress you with the extent of their confidence.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

I'd found him, and he was mine - cute little bugger that he was, messed up glasses, funky shoes and all.

O God if in the day of battle I forget Thee do not Thou forget me.

When I feel like I'm doing my best work, there is a bit of a freedom, a bit of flight that you're not so much losing yourself but you're sort of in the zone.

I too am a government.

There is no conflict between the Old and the New; the conflict is between the False and the True.

The government means industry, if you know what I mean.

The gift of my childhood was laughter, being able to find the humor.

At some point, you just pull off the Band-Aid, and it hurts, but then it's over and you're relieved.

I don't think tennis is a glamour game, not at all.

Sadness is an opportunity; a good opportunity to learn the real life!