Some of 'em [virtues] like extinct volcanoes, with a strong memory or fire and brimstone.

The only athletic sport I ever mastered was backgammon.

Earth is here so kind, that just tickle her with a hoe and she laughs with a harvest.

After all there is something about a wedding-gown prettier than in any other gown in the world.

A man never so beautifully shows his own strength as when he respects a woman's softness.

He is one of those wise philanthropists who, in a time of famine, would vote for nothing but a supply of toothpicks.

A coquette is like a recruiting sergeant, always on the lookout for fresh victims.

Quality, not quantity, is my measure.

Marriage is like wine. It is not be properly judged until the second glass.

A man is in no danger so long as he talks his love; but to write it is to impale himself on his own pothooks.

Grumblers deserve to be operated upon surgically; their trouble is usually chronic.

Bad days my memory functions no better than an out-of-focus kaleidoscope, but other days me recall is painfully perfect.

In the history of the nation, there has never been a political party so ridiculous as today's Democrats. It's as if all the brain-damaged people in America got together and formed a voting bloc.

If I was a serial killer? How I would kill somebody? I'm actually a very compulsive person ... I'd chainsaw people.

A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.

I think that there's a lot of good will that exists between musicians and the people that support them and listen to them.

One way to get high speed to the home is over cable systems.

One may be humble out of pride.

The news media's silence, particularly television news, is reprehensible.

Science values static patterns.

Advice is not really very useful. People gave me terrible advice, and I guess I was just smart enough to ignore some of it.