Some of you guys must have real jobs - office jobs. Anybody? By a show of broken spirits.

The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.

Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.

I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people.

America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period.

There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.

I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are.

I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.

You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context.

Canada, or as i call them, America Light.

I am a man, not a movement, ” he said. “But if a movement is what it takes to end this war, then I will play my part.

Just by writing this story, I thought that I am the real monster, I had the feeling that I am doing it.... it was just awful!

Adversity is to me at least a tonic and a bracer.

To be renewed is everything. What more could one ask for than to have one's youth back again?

The State dominates the Nation because it alone represents it.

Men are divided between those who are as thrifty as if they would live forever, and those who are as extravagant as if they were going to die the next day.

If I had my choice of all the blessings I can conceive of I would choose perfect conformity to the Lord Jesus, or, in one word, holiness.

I enjoyed debate on the floor but it's not really debate in the same way.

The kitchen is the great laboratory of the household, and much of the 'weal and woe' as far as regards bodily health, depends on the nature of the preparations concocted within its walls.

From day one, I have always been open about my sexual orientation.