Some people accuse me of exaggeration, so let me be clear. Those people seek nothing less than the complete and utter destruction of the American way of life.

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, everything that's wonderful, Is sure to come your way

A zebra does not change its spots.

Our form of democracy is bribery, on the highest scale.

We know that he has stored secret supplies of biological and chemical weapons throughout his country.

There's a lot to be said for being nouveau riche, and the Reagans mean to say it all.

The unfed mind devours itself.

We are the United States of Amnesia, we learn nothing because we remember nothing.

Democracy is supposed to give you the feeling of choice, like Painkiller X and Painkiller Y. But they're both just aspirin.

Write something, even if it's just a suicide note.

When people meet me I think they're surprised to find out I'm not always angst-ridden.

Like madness is the glory of this life.

Until now I had been able only to grieve, not mourn. Grief was passive. Grief happened. Mourning, the act of dealing with grief, required attention.

He took it out like a sprinter, and brought it home like a distance swimmer.

Yet it is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top.

All the preaching in the world cannot make a man see the truth so long as his eyes are blinded.

We know that many of the apostles of Christ were killed. Eleven out of 12 met violent deaths when they were just talking about God and light.

Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.

I really don't like take-out.

Relatively few of us will find the time-or take it-to live an ever enlarging life.

When life gives you the opportunity to check off a thing on the bucket list, you have to check them.