Some people give you that motivation to work harder simply to get the hell away from wherever they are.

I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

The atheist suicide bomber is unfaithfully committed to his mission

I have always loved him. Every single minute of every single day my heart has belonged to him. I have just run away from the truth. I have covered it in shrouds of friendship and teenage crush.

Giving is true loving.

The history of Western science confirms the aphorism that the great menace to progress is not ignorance but the illusion of knowledge.

We've never performed the song live outside of recording it in the studio. That was a dream come true because Whitney, she's an icon and she's been one of my main mentors in this business.

The greatest possession is Self-possession.

When busyness goes after joy, it goes after everyone's joy.

I don’t respect your statement because of the anger that came with it

I've never been good at sharing my toys.

Be a doer and not a critic.