Some people in England only have their wheelie bins collected once a fortnight. Their suffering is unimaginable.

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

Music's the best thing we do as humans, isn't it? Music, I mean you flail your limbs, make you move in a way you don't understand. Or it can make you weep like a sailor's wife staring at a storm.

I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.

Are you recycling? Are you!? You just killed a polar bear! YOU!

Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you got one wrong, they killed your dad!

Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'

The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.

'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'

I've never said flange to a monkey!

When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping.

Where there is love, there are no faults. Where the love of give-and-take (dealer) arose, all faults will be seen there.

The most beautiful is to see the joy in your eyes.

Your body language continuously communicates for you, whether you are aware of it or not. Are your intended messages being well conveyed?

As long as I didn't say it aloud, it wasn't real

A plague o' both your houses.

The commandment to refrain from placing blame on our parents, deeply imprinted in us by our upbringing, skillfully performs the function of hiding essential truths from us.

The direction of life is from duality to unity.

I wouldn't even mention myself in the same breath as someone like big Paul.

Do you not know that every religion in the world has declared every other religion a fraud? Yes, we all know it. That is the time all religions tell the truth - each of the other.

Obviously, raw talent is important, but the difference-maker between first and the rest of the pack is usually desire.