Some people just can't handle that they will never be a better actor than me

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

Once intelligent beings achieve technology and the capacity for self-destruction of their species, the selective advantage of intelligence becomes more uncertain.

Getting lost in the ‘big picture’ often prevents us from cherishing the 'small moments' that make it all worthwhile...

New year is a day, to tune the rhythm called SOUL, with best chords called EXPERIENCES and play the guitar called LIFE.

Every moment gives birth to the next moment and influences it. Getting out of that chain of perpetual being is getting off the wheel of birth and death. That is enlightenment.

I ask you sir, who are the militia? They consist now of the whole people.

If you do not leave this pasturage, Saladin will come and attack you here. And if you retreat from this attack the shame and reproach will be very great.

The most powerful weapon is hope.

Were you lying?" "I never lie," he said piously. "About what?" "The sand, the snake." For a young man who never lied, he seemed surprisingly unoffended by the question.

All religion may be centered around a generally good idea, however, this has not stopped its adherents from acting like bastards.

I don't know a man on this Earth who can outwork me.