Some people learn comedy, and some people just are comedy.

We're not in an information age anymore. We're in the information management age.

Nerds get caught up in minutiae, because there is a tremendous and fulfilling sense of control in understanding every single detail of a thing more than any other living creature.

Bowling is all physics and energy distribution. It's F = ma. So it is actually one of the most science-y sports, because it literally is just a ball and a surface and objects to knock down.

When you hang around a lot of comedians long enough, you realize there's a certain gene, in every comedian. It's why we get hyper-analytical about things.

I do seem like the kind of guy who'd be obsessive about Rubik's Cubes.

No matter what tricks you use or what decisions you make, go easy on yourself as someone who's on a never-ending quest for improvement.

Steal moments of happiness if you have to, and then collect them until they are the dominant images in your psyche.

I almost think of nerd brains as rattlesnake venom; like, you can milk it. You can milk the pulpy venom out of the nerd brain and use it for good if you want to.

Humans cannot produce viable offspring with our closest animal cousin: the chimpanzee. We cannot impregnate a chimp. So you know what that means? No condoms.

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult.

Death is the end of our ephemeral life and beginning of infinite eternal life.

I don't want to be stinky poo poo girl, I want to be happy flower child.

You must always remain master of the situation and do what you please. No school tasks, ah, no! no tasks!

No one is more conventional than a woman who is falling out of love.

Some few there must be in every age and every land of whom life claims nothing very insistently save that they write perfectly of beautiful happenings.

There's a reason hobble skirts are called hobble skirts. You literally can't move very far in them.

Boys, Laila came to see, treated friendship the way they treated the sun: its existence undisputed; its radiance best enjoyed, not beheld directly.

I hate love. Hate being in love. I never want it to happen to me again.

The perosn who doesn't make mistakes is unlikely to make anything.

Perhaps its familiarity rendered it temporarily invisible to you.