Some people look at a glass and see it as half-full. Others look at a glass and call it a dragon.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

To change yourself, change the perception and mindset.

Ignore self –doubt and inner conflict. Dwell on positive thoughts.

Wherever there is somebody else, a war is not far away.

Everybody is talking about the Law of Attraction. Nobody is talking about the Law of Action.

We want to be seen for who we really are, and each person has his own complex story and reasons for doing what they do.

I'm not sure I'm quite ready to have someone be a prospector of jobs for me, because I believe there's some kind of destiny involved with meeting people... some things are just meant to happen.

Freedom solutions - cross-state insurers; health cooperatives.

I'm all about wellness.

Seemed like everything I tried to do in broadcasting and as a player before that turned out successfully. I was succeeding. I got to the top of the heap in every facet of broadcasting.

When a woman has lost her chastity she will shrink from nothing.