Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Remember that wasted minute at the start of the day? Hard luck but you'll never find it again.

I am fully persuaded to pursue my passion.

If heavy metal bands ruled the world, we'd be a lot better off.

I never supported violence. Before the formation of TMC, I was a member of the Congress Party. Gandhi's Congress. Non-violence is a philosophy that runs deep.

Growing up, I used to watch Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, All in the Family. Those were the shows I watched growing up with my family. And, believe it or not, McMillan and Wife and Columbo.

Lovers of painting and lovers of music are people who openly display their preference like a delectable ailment that isolates them and makes them proud.

The Mozilla project is big in terms of lines of code and complexity.

I think that, as life is action and passion, it is required of a man that he should share the passion and action of his time at peril of being judged not to have lived.

The greatest enemy of progress is not stagnation, but false progress.

I've been approached to do some things with astronauts and the preparation that astronauts go through.