Some people think destiny is something you cannot escape, such as death or a curdled cheesecake, both of which always turn up sooner or later.

I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.

Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.

You’re noble enough, Baudelaires. That’s all we can ask for in this world.

Hope is the assurance of positive expectations.

Remember, once more how our world should be. And please, don't forget, please, please don't forget.

And when you get where you’re going, you darn well better look great!

Orthodoxy is the ability to say two and two make five when faith requires it.

I sound New York. I sound East Coast much more than a blonde person from L.A.

A real turnoff for guys is any girl who is way too into them. Like, you're being way too nice. Guys, as well as girls, like that sense of badness. I want a good girl, who can be a little bad.

All my work is much more peaceful than I am.

Heaven absolves all crimes committed to gain a throne Once Heaven gives it to us.

I sit up straight and do the first thing a person is supposed to do in an emergency, which is send a text message.

There is no need for the writer to eat a whole sheep to be able to tell you what mutton tastes like. It is enough if he eats a cutlet. But he should do that.