Some people want to advertise their weirdness, and spread it out, that's not me.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

...she made her home in between the pages of books.

The man was allergic to sleep.

I do what I do because my favorite thing is to learn.

All these horror movies are slasher film now. I like them, they're fun, but they wink at the audience and you're really not terrified through the movie.

[Margaret Thatcher] admitted to being the daughter of her father but not the daughter of her mother!

When I think about country music, I think about America.

The writers keep managing to turn the show in on itself, coming up with something that's well thought-out and miraculous.

Libraries are where most of us really fall in love with books, where we can browse and choose on our own. Its really one of the first autonomous things we do, picking the books we want to read.

I was brooding, boy. Than which there is no richer pastime. It muffles one with rotting plumes. It gives forth sullen music. It is the smell of home.

Men had been living a proud life, having felt no need for the spirit-until Christianity invented it.