Some people won't have kids, but I’m not going to have parents. I’m burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight.

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.

The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.

The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.

Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.

Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.

I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.

Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.

Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?

If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.

Obstacles are there to give you more opportunities to grow and excel in life.

The Universe is a continuous web. Touch it at any point and the whole web quivers."Stanley Kunitz

I confess... if I typo a Facebook post I will edit it. I know it's only Facebook but it's an editing sickness.

He lost himself in the words and images conjured in his mind and for a while forgot ... He found himself flying among stars and planets.

When a secretary of state rakes in millions and millions of dollars trading access and favors to special interests and foreign powers, I know the time for action has come.

I discovered philosophy in my youth when I read wildly, and thus I was exposed to the world of ideas.

People aren't born with kindness, it grows with them.

And what should they know of England who only England know?

We live in an anaesthetized society.

Advertising is our printed salesman. It may not be pretty, but it has to be true.