Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

The night had darkened to the murky sort where the air hung like descending clouds and the overhead branches made the liquid darkness even more impenetrable.

The limits of freedom of expression is tautological: it ends at the point where it begins to affect the freedom of expression of others.

Now where there are no parts, there neither extension, nor shape, nor divisibility is possible. And these monads are the true atoms of nature and, in a word, the elements of things.

The willingness to keep learning is, I think, the most important thing about trying to be good at anything. You never want to stop learning.

Well, I think that California has had a history of always spending more money than it takes in.

New ideas emerge of their own free will if they are allowed to.

Freedom is not won on the battlefields. The chance for freedom is won there. The final battle is won or lost in our hearts and minds.

Zeal without knowledge is like expedition to a man in the dark.

We turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need.

After the urine is collected over a couple of days, it's dumped into space, which is beautiful to watch because the urine freezes into a glitter of ice crystals shimmering in the sun.