Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

I was a ballerina. I had to quit after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen

Professing not to care is a primordial defense mechanism. Whenever a person finds oneself mired in failure and despondency, rebelling is a viable option to preserve false personal pride.

The moon blows kisses to the evening primrose

Emotions of any kind can be evoked by melody and rhythm; therefore music has the power to form character.

I don't know how people do it these days - paparazzi and that kind of thing. That's something I can't even imagine.

All of the penciling was consistently done by one person and the inking was whoever could finish on time.

Be merciful, moderate, and modest.

I live a pretty conservative life, so I probably really haven't done anything crazy.

Lying makes a problem part of the future; truth makes a problem part of the past.

I tend to go for women with common sense. Being down to earth stands out more than looks.

I have thrust myself into this maze, Haply to wive and thrive as best I may.