Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who drift interesting, 'cause it shows me the game's not stagnant in their own head. They're thinking.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

A man is only as rich as the number of children he fathers. After all, what else do we leave behind in this world...

Wait, I'm deciding to be my own individual self. And it looks nothing like what anyone else is doing.

My mother was predominately a stay-at-home Mom.

Tiresome heart, forever living and dying, House without air, I leave you and lock your door. Wild swans, come over the town, come over The town again, trailing your legs and crying!

History is full of examples of people compromising their beliefs in order to keep themselves alive.

Chess can be described as the movement of pieces eating one another.

Even a small match lit in a place of total darkness gives off a blinding light.

It's better to wear seaweed socks than stick a melon in your brother's ear.

The problem with paparazzi is that it makes you question your boundaries, like, how do I say, Thats enough guys?

I need not hate any man; he cannot hurt me. I need not flatter any man; he has nothing to give me.