Someday you will look back on all the awful stuff that's happening to you, and fondly smile. Doesn't say much about the future, does it?

That's the thing about a great book. Every time you read it, it's different, because you're different. You've changed since the last time you picked it up, things have happened to you.

Why should I bring happiness to those I loathe by obliterating myself, when I can make them miserable just by existing?

We have no control over fate and history, but we can control how we conduct ourselves in this life.

That's really what the mall is all about: money. At the mall the rule is: Credito, ergo sum - I shop, therefore I am.

We are all the same in that we all want to be different.

Whining is a form of manipulation. People will give anything to make you shut up.

We often reward mediocrity because it is comforting. If they can do it, anyone can do it.

In relationships it is best to assume nothing.

My Macbook is my new boyfriend, except that he's dependable and meets all my demands.

You can not make someone love you. You can not be thin enough or white enough or famous enough. The choice is entirely the other person's. Then again, you might try hypnosis.

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

I have trouble controlling my base emotions when the moon is full, but anger is the hardest for me. If I'm mad, I turn into the Hulk. Except I'm not green.

It's easy to be disciplined when you have no freedoms.

It is, perhaps, one of the hardest struggles of the Christian life to learn this sentence-- "Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but unto Thy name be glory."

What good is envy? It’s the one sin you can’t have any fun at.

The difference between bitter and better is I.

Crying is you, plus tears

I don't think you can have an authentic connection when one person is diagnosing the other.

composition is notation of distortion of what composers think they've heard before. Masterpieces are marvelous misquotations.

Life is always walking up to us and saying, "Come on in, the living's fine," and what do we do? Back off and take its picture.