Someone once defined humor as a way to keep from killing yourself. I keep my sense of humor and I stay alive.

You can teach taste, editorial sense, but the ability to say something funny is something I've never been able to teach anyone.

You throw a perfectly straight line at the audience and then, right at the end, you curve it. Good jokes do that.

Glamour: the indefinable something about a girl with a big bosom.

Intelligence is a burden not many are willing or able to carry.

Give us everything we ask for and suddenly it's too much.

If every rich person gave 50 percent of their wealth to charity, I would not say they should pay more taxes.

Italians have a very closed life. Football is all their life is.

there's no art but has some business to it and no business but some art.

I try to create work that doesn't make viewers feel they're being spoken down to, so they feel open participation.

You should be treating yourself like you are your own best friend.

Ill gotten gains will be ill spent.

I really make a point of never worrying, or trying not to worry, about the way I'm perceived. You'll go crazy otherwise.

I know now that having regular checkups and mammograms are key to a healthy lifestyle.