Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Thought is the thought of thought. Tranquil brightness. The soul is in a manner all that is: the soul is the form of forms. Tranquillity sudden, vast, candescent: form of forms.

I believe man-made climate change is one of the most serious threats that this country and this world face.

So there'll be no guiding light for you and me We are not sailors lost out on the sea We were always headed toward eternity Hoping for a glimpse of Galilee

Donald Trump thinks belittling women makes him bigger. We need to stand up and be clear that we don't want this, we need to celebrate diversity. America is great because America is good.

Fear is sweat, but terror is addictive.

I love taking the ball from other people. It's like taking their manhood.

I have always loved fashion, but I have no expertise in it besides being a model.

Of the mental hazards, being scared is the worst. When you get scared, you get tense.

A man may devote himself to death and destruction to save a nation; but no nation will devote itself to death and destruction to save mankind.

In fact, we are designed anatomically to be vegetarians.