Sometimes I feel that the world is made up of sensible people who know the plot and bloody idiots who don't.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

Everyday as we die, we must be reborn. If there were no death, life would be meaningless.

The greatest danger to the State is independent intellectual criticism.

Only humans can voice the adoration and plea that goes up silently from the rest of creation, and only humans can withhold their voices from it.

I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do.

The greatest threat to women (and by extension humanity) is the growth and acceptance of a misogynistic, authoritarian, and violent culture of militarism.

When you believe that your problem is caused by someone or something else, you become your own victim.

As long as you have a garden you have a future and as long as you have a future you are alive.

At my graduation, I thought we had to marry what we wished to become. Now you are becoming the men you once would have wished to marry.

The question was asked, how can you be a mother and a congresswoman? I said, I have a brain, I have a uterus and they both work.

The odds are so stacked against you to have a music career in a place where there's virtually no music industry. So I always attribute it to God.