Sometimes. I get recognized, but I'm not really a famous famous. I'm pretty low on the showbiz totem pole - I mean, I'm no Jon or Kate plus eight. I'm just a comic, not a baby factory.

Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, "Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before."

My gym has two-pound weights. If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What's your dream? To pump up and open your mail?

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.

Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.

Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can't get away.

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

When you build a house You nail down memories Paint and stain the fabric of time

A man does not become a real man by showing his physical domination over women. A man becomes a real man by loving, respecting and protecting women.

The thing about loving someone, is that yelling at them only feels good while you're doing it -- as soon as they're gone, all you want to do is take it all back

With YouTube - with the Internet in general - you have information overload. The people who dont necessarily get credit are the curators.

Follow the truth to life and love what you do... Be passionate about it to the point where you’re willing to do anything for it.

Skip your brain and go right to the gut.

A black man, but I feel so blue. So I smoke green and purple to my dreams come true. And my eyes turn red, the sky turns grey.

Recalling what our lives were like before Jesus Christ entered them will help keep our daily problems in perspective.

I know too much to be a sceptic and too little to be a dogmatist.

This rudeness is a sauce to his good wit, Which gives men stomach to digest his words With better appetite.