Sometimes I like [being famous], sometimes I don't. I've always been a people watcher. I like to go to malls and just sit, and I can't do that very easily anymore.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

Leave the hush to those who love like apes because together, you and I make vulgar sounds like a fervent sojourn in paradise.

The true and solid peace of nations consists not in equality of arms, but in mutual trust alone.

I haven't got anything against films that are about the minutia of relationships or customs, but I love extremes.

The humorous look of children is perhaps the most endearing of all the bonds that hold the Cosmos together.

To become Christ-like is the only thing in the whole world worth caring for, the thing before which every ambition of man is folly and all lower achievement vain.

I'm here to shine a bright light. I'm not here to be a guy of death. I just like 'KD' better.

I prance around and dance by myself to hip-hop songs in the mirror.

A theorist today is hardly considered respectable if he or she has not introduced at least one new particle for which there is no experimental evidence.

Engage in combat fully determined to die and you will be alive; wish to survive in the battle and you will surely meet death.