Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

How can you be in love with someone for forever and not be willing to take a chance when it finally hits you in the face like a linebacker?

Anyone who stops learning is old whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.

New York City is a great monument to the power of money and greed... a race for rent.

On a scale of one to ten, how punk am I? Apple. I don't use your scale.

A man is more than one being in his life. If the last persists, why not the first? If there be a hereafter for his age, why not for his youth?

You have not converted a man, because you have silenced him.

Health will improve almost at once when worrying ends.

Wisdom and Love must balance mutually. Wisdom without Love it's a destructive element. Love without Wisdom can leads us to error: love is law, but conscious love.

It is vain to trust in wrong; as much of evil, so much of loss, is the formula of human history.

I was, I remember, I still remember when the first time I pointed the telescope at the sky and I saw Saturn with the rings. It was a beautiful image.