Sometimes I wonder how I got into comedy at all.

I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much

I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.

Maxwell is serious, dedicated, awkward, forgetful, pompous to a certain degree, sentimental.

I am a quick study - I can memorize a script in an hour - but I can't remember a name three seconds. I've even forgotten my wife's name on occasion.

It was a special show that became a cult classic of sorts, and I made a lot of money for it.

I like getting married, but I don't like being married.

I remember that the priest finally said to me, 'You wouldn't like to have a religion that makes things easy for you.' Now I know that both faith and intellect are components of religious belief.

I did movie star impressions as a kid in high school. Somehow they just got out of hand.

white is not always light and black is not always dark.

Be happy. It's one way of being wise.

A society deadened by a smothering network of laws while finding release in moral chaos is not likely to be either happy or stable.

I suppose that I am ambitious.

It should be done with the same degree of alacrity and nonchalance that you would display in authorizing a highly intelligent trained bear to remove your appendix.

Being a cook doesn't necessarily mean you are a competitor.

The destinies of men are woven one with the other, and you can turn aside from them no more than you can turn aside from your own.

I mean [Donald Trump] ability to be so shameless, I think that it's impossible for most people to parse.

Never react emotionally to what happens but always look for and find in every circumstance the good that's surely present there.

It's not enough to be in the right place at the right time. You have to be the right person in the right place at the right time.